in dependence

coming to college, I figured that things would get better, mostltty because I just felt that I was ready to be free from the direct jurisdiction of my parentals. and as far as that aspect goes it is. I can stay up to 2:30 every night if I want. I can eat nothing but ice cream and cookies at every meal. I can smoke a pack a day if I feel like it. I can skip all my classes and watch soaps all morning.

yet, I don't.

ends up, that I'm not really independent from my parents. in fact, I'm very much dependent on them, or at least their ideals. I've been just shocked and moved this last week or so how much my parents have shaped my life, and how they affected how I behave here, when I have freedoms like never before. 

it makes perfect sense, since I've basically lived with them for the last 18 years of my life, and they developed me into who I am. but I guess I never really thought about it, nor appreciated it.

I guess in the end, it comes down to the classic "you don't know what you have until you lose it". and I've just realized how much my parents, despite our various disagreements and what not that we all have, mean to me. 

sappy thoughts of the day.

by me.