Thursday, March 27, 2008

forks.

I think that I do too much.

life so often feels like a buffet line, and all the choices you have are all laid out in front of you, free for you to pick (for some reason I've been noticing a lot of food analogies in my writing lately...). and not everything looks good, there are obviously some things you don't want to try at all, but most of it looks mmm soo yummy. and you want to just try it all, even if just a little bit of everything; you don't want to miss a thing.

but you can't do it all. and that's when you have to make decisions, that's when you make sacrifices. unfortunately this year I haven't made so many sacrifices, and, actually, I've said yes to basically everything that has come my way.

NOT a good idea.

my justification is "senior year," but, in reality, that shouldn't be a reason. I shouldn't be this stretched out. I mean, no matter what stage you are in life, you should be able to do what you want, if you strive for it. there's no need to try and fit it all in my last year of high school. I mean, if when I turn 40 I decide that I what to be a symphonic cellist after I've quit playing for 17 years, why not?

I believe that if you can dream it, you can achieve it.

unfortunately, sometimes I have so many dreams it becomes quite impossible to pursue them all. and that's where I'm stuck right now. there are so many paths.

what do I want to be the most?
goood question.

2 comments:

Candace said...

i feel like that, too. people are all "pursue your dream!" but it's really hard to pursue you dream when you have absolutely no clue what your dream even is. at least you got some good eatin this year.

Fodoz said...

i understand the food analogy. food is so universal and so inviting and familiar--everyone loves eating, and it's really an emotional experience. and the feelings you get, hungry, full, the in between--they are so powerful and encompass us as humans more than we know.

i was actually just talking to my mom today about how i wished i would have spent more time at home last year. but when i think about it, i don't know how i would have fixed it. if this makes you feel better, i think high school is still the okay time to try to do everything. as long as you realize by the end of your senior year (now) that you can't do it all, then in college, it will be fine, because then you REALLY can't do it. i don't know. i don't want to be all college-y.